The Doctor’s Order

We have a kidnapped Luke, more inner monologues from Heather, and romances cropping up left and right, but what most drew my attention this week of viewing? The new credits. Face it folks, we are soap fans and we care about our credits!

Now tell me that doesn’t look like a racing track from Mario Kart. But that’s not what bothers me about the credits. If this super short version leads to more airtime, then great! Carry on! I even like the arrangements of characters in quick, labyrinthine shots. But I cannot abide that music. It bears almost no resemblance to the General Hospital themes of yore and sounds like a keyboard recreating the bad soundtracks to 1980s fantasy films. I’d say it barely qualifies as music. I embrace change, some would even say I thrive on it, but that music must be replaced.

Let’s discuss that plethora of romances in Port Charles. In the course of a week, we’ve had lip locks from a number of different pairings. Have you felt sparks? Are any of them making your shipper hearts pulse more rapidly? I think the build ups for both John and Sam and Starr and Michael have been done pretty well, but I’m giving the edge to Starr and Michael because of that adorable July 4th date.

Their flirtatious teasing and Starr’s competitive streak made for pleasant soap viewing. First of all, I love learning in small ways that Michael is bonding more with the Quartermaines. Yes, I’d rather we saw it firsthand, but knowing how familiar he is with the mansion and hearing him go on about Cook’s barbecue warms my longtime-viewer heart. Plus, if Starr can make her way through hot wings without breaking a sweat, then she’s a woman who shares my taste buds.

More importantly, though, both Starr and Michael are working their ways through grief, and it’s nice to see them give each other the understanding they need to pull through that and consider each other as romantic interests.

They are going to feel guilty for moving on and finding each other attractive, they just are, but at least they can empathize over those feelings and not take small rejections along the way personally.

For John and Sam’s lip lock, the guilt is going to be a lot worse.

John has a wife and child, and that evening of drinking is going to bite him in the ass because of it. Does he have a bad history with alcohol, OLTL folks? Some of his dialogue hinted that he may have struggled with it in the past. Regardless, I didn’t buy that he’d let himself wallow in guilt over his sister’s death. I thought he was too smart to fall for those tactics when the only personal responsible for killing his sister is the one who pulled the trigger, Joe Scully, Jr. I suppose it’s human nature to blame yourself, though. I would just like to keep that image of him as the smooth detective beating the mobsters at their own game intact. Of course, I also always imagined Dante in the role of that smooth cop, and he has barely had anything to do since marrying Lulu. Can these two team up, please?

But back to Sam and John’s kiss that I found as explosive as those fireworks. I am a-okay with Sam moving on from Jason. Convenient Chinese food delivery would say otherwise for her, or she would not have hesitated to share the state of her marriage with the hot man who did the marrying.

Jason is genuinely contrite, and if Sam gives him another chance, I’ll accept it. But if he really wants her back, he should have to fight for her, and I’m not sure he’s ever fought for any of his romantic interests—beyond rescuing them from burning buildings and the like, of course. Enough with this noble martyr of a hit man. Jason needs to get to wooing, STAT! Make Sam believe he loves her for real, not just when it’s convenient in between his angsting sessions.

The other lip locks were bestowed on us courtesy of the younger Davis girls. Who knew that TJ was still on the show, much less carrying on a secret romance with Molly?

He’s grown taller, too! I liked him at his introduction, so I’m glad to see him back, and I can easily buy why she would carry on a secret relationship with him—the boy’s pretty cute and sweet, now that his rebelliousness has subsided. Molly is taking on a few too many of Kristina’s abrasive qualities, though. The Molly of six months ago would have cracked under the pressure of not telling her mother pretty fast, and we have no idea how long this has been going on. Molly and Alexis having a serious sit down to discuss the relationship, and Molly explaining to her respectfully, but pointedly, that she’s not giving TJ a fair chance is what I would expect to see rather than blow-ups in front of a reality TV camera. Or, you know, it’s a soap, so overreactions are standard and I should accept it.

Now Kristina’s fixation on her TV partner, Trey, is less forgivable in that it’s boring and predictable.

She is playing standard soap vixen here, even when he has been very clear that he’s trying to prove his ability to produce a show. I’ll be honest, the character of Trey was a waste of space at first, but after this week and his exposed vulnerability and trust in his doomed father, he’s growing on me. Kristina, and her complete refusal to accept that he does not want to date her, is not. But that is typical Kristina. How many times did Ethan reject her advances? I’m pretty sure she never stopped making them.

Prescription for Better Soap: There is love in the afternoon again, which is worth celebrating! But it’d be wise to spread out those kisses over a few weeks rather than bunch them all into one. Continue with the realistic, playful friendship turning into relationship between Michael and Starr. Don’t forget to show us the repercussions of John kissing Sam. And if you want to pair up John and Dante on a case, I would not complain. Lastly, for the love of all things soapy, change that new theme music.

The Gourmez

Buy my romance novella, Maya’s Vacation, at Astraea Press,  Amazon, or Barnes and Nobles. Follow me on Twitter @thegourmez or on Facebook at my author page!

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