The Doctor’s Order

Folks, it’s time for a change. Perhaps I’m feeling the need for something different to coincide with our refreshing new plot directions. Maybe I’m just tired of trying to relate Port Charles shenanigans to various forms of cuisine. Most likely, I want an excuse to insert myself in a picture of the scrumptious Doctors Drake. Whatever the reason, “This Week’s Specials” is now “The Doctor’s Order.” After my customary mix of praising, overanalyzing, and ranting, I’ll end each column with a prescription the show should follow for better health. I think we, the audience, are best qualified to make a diagnosis of General Hospital’s condition.

I do find both of them oh-so-delicious, but if there is one thing I’ve learned over the course of Jason’s injury, it’s that I never, ever want to come under the care of Patrick Drake or Matt Hunter.

"He started it." "Nu-uh! He did!"

And that’s not just because I’d like my brain to remain uninjured, thank you very much. Their bedside manner is absolutely atrocious!  I know it’s been long established that they are the arrogant, egotistical, and talented sons of Noah Drake, but their open fights in front of Robin, the Quartermaines, and Sam have reached a new height of ridiculousness. Patrick first hit Port Charles to take care of Jason’s memory loss back in 2005, and those bad manners came with him, but he’d made strides over the past few years to at least come across more gently when dealing with patients and their families. I don’t think Matt ever showed the lack of restraint that he has the last few weeks—plenty of ego, yes, but he usually comes across as pretty caring about his patients, including Siobhan recently. Thus, their thrown-down fights over how to operate on Jason have been jarring and exceedingly inappropriate! Fight over it in a private room, boys, not in front of the family and your superior. For neurosurgeons, you’d think they’d be smarter.

A huge improvement the show has made over the past month has been refusing to whitewash Sonny, Carly, Michael, or anyone else’s choices that result in illegal activities and harm to others. Before, no matter what Sonny did, people tended to forgive because “he loves his children,” and I could come up with numerous similar examples for any other character who commits a crime only to have it shrugged off by the more moral citizens of the town. Not the case anymore! I was flabbergasted that Robin held the line that it was not okay that Sonny came into her house and fired a gun in it. I love that so many people are blaming Sonny for Jax’s “death,” and I love even more that Alexis did not let Carly take herself off the hook for her role in how things played out.

"You honestly think 'sleeping with the fishes' means a nap at an aquarium?"

She gave Sonny permission to do whatever he felt necessary to stop Jax, and she doesn’t get to pretend that she never imagined he would go that far. He goes that far on a regular basis for his living. As is often the case, Kristina had one of the best lines to illustrate my point, which she said to Michael as he admitted that Sonny was probably going to let him join the organization: “So your idea of a real job is running illegal shipments and working your way up to killing people?” That would certainly be the career path Jason followed. I love when the Davis women speak truth. They aren’t right all the time—maintaining a perspective gets complicated when you care about the people involved—but when they are, I lap it up.

Those Spencers have been angsty for half a year and it’s still going! I’m on overload with their scenes. Lucky has fallen off the prescription drug wagon now that his green-card wife has died—may the soap gods rest the poor lassie’s soul in bowers of heather and other badly chosen Irish stereotypes. I’m not looking forward to the angry, bitter Lucky he becomes under the influence—please, soap gods, let that arc be blessedly short. Lulu, for her part, continues to confound the crap out of me. She’s fully capable of following the Spencer Path of Self-Destruction without any mind-altering drugs. That takes a special woman, ladies and gents! Seriously, who would decide to break up with a good man who obviously loves her out of nowhere?

"That's right! I just broke up with you for wanting to get more serious,loser!"

She’s worried about his moral conflictions being Sonny’s son now? Now is when he’s showing signs of improvement on that front! Where was she when I was screaming at him to stop protecting the criminals and do his job for the past year? I’m pretty sure she was whispering in his ear that it’s okay to feel emotional about his father and to want to get to know him. Oh, Lulu, you are so, so screwed up, possibly more so than the rest of your family combined, because you just don’t see it. Who’d have ever thought that Ethan would be the most functional of the group?

Lastly, I approve of Johnny seducing Skye.

I approve of Johnny seducing anyone, for the record.

Might as well cement that reputation as the younger man, right? He was super hot with Olivia, and he could be just as hot with Skye, assuming she takes care of whatever happened to her hair—seriously, the woman’s usually gorgeous but her hair looks fried lately. Johnny not being hot would probably be the more difficult scenario to imagine, however. I definitely need to know more of Skye’s motivations, though, because she’s embracing the mobster life fiercely, from taunting Tracy about her old ties to scheming with Anthony to rolling in the hay with Johnny. She wants to protect Edward but to hurt Tracy yet neither of those goals seems like enough reason for her to make a pact with the Zaccharas. Anybody have a good theory on her intent?

My prescription for better soap: less Spencer angst, required courses on “How to Debate Medical Procedures Outside of Your Patient’s Room,” more Davis girl truthtelling, and more shirtless Johnny. You can consider that last one a standing order.

The Gourmez

Follow me on Twitter @thegourmez or on Facebook at my author page!
Maya’s Vacation, my romance novella, is on sale through the week for $1.99 at Astraea Press, or catch it for $2.99 at Amazon and Barnes and Nobles.
Pictures courtesy of GH-Caps.

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